hi Lauren - a good first cut. A few things to work on. Cafe scene - do you have any establishers this is cafe? At the moment it seems she just gets handed a bowl of chips, but I don't know why? Also, the poster she is holding - do you have a close up of it? The sound of their wide two shot at table is not good - can you dub over using the sound from the singles? You use an over the shoulder of the American(?) but then a side single on the girl, this throws off the balance of the scene. You need to work on sound across the whole scene. Atmosphere, music even.. Hotel Scene. I'd start with the exterior of the hotel before we come into room. You need to cut out to the exterior in the middle, it doesn't work. The rest of the scene works well, but do you have a close up of the computer screen, what she's looking at? The shop scene - nice attempt with the decor, just about works - add in some sounds to make it work, shop door bell ring, music, sound of register etc... HOWEVER you CROSS THE LINE in the scene!!!! Which makes it confusing to watch. Do you have other coverage, or can you flip something? The scene works well other than that. Do you have close's of them? it stays fairly wide on the searching girl character. Overall, some good work - plenty to work on. well done.
hi Lauren - a good first cut.
ReplyDeleteA few things to work on.
Cafe scene - do you have any establishers this is cafe? At the moment it seems she just gets handed a bowl of chips, but I don't know why? Also, the poster she is holding - do you have a close up of it?
The sound of their wide two shot at table is not good - can you dub over using the sound from the singles?
You use an over the shoulder of the American(?) but then a side single on the girl, this throws off the balance of the scene. You need to work on sound across the whole scene. Atmosphere, music even..
Hotel Scene.
I'd start with the exterior of the hotel before we come into room.
You need to cut out to the exterior in the middle, it doesn't work. The rest of the scene works well, but do you have a close up of the computer screen, what she's looking at?
The shop scene - nice attempt with the decor, just about works - add in some sounds to make it work, shop door bell ring, music, sound of register etc... HOWEVER you CROSS THE LINE in the scene!!!! Which makes it confusing to watch. Do you have other coverage, or can you flip something? The scene works well other than that. Do you have close's of them? it stays fairly wide on the searching girl character.
Overall, some good work - plenty to work on. well done.